I'm sure I learned a thing or two about it when I was in my first relationship. John. He did everything for me. He wanted more than anything for the two of us to stay together, but straight out of high school I knew that I would have to see more of the world before I could make a commitment like that. Now here I am 4 years later contemplating the same thing with yet again another John. He's pulled, tugged, pushed, and raped my emotions many of times. He has made me feel, as though cold is the only emotion I know, but as of now I am challenged. The two of us being together has not been for the good for the past few months. Both of us have become very unproductive. I noticed it, but I kept on pushing on, hoping I could get my shit together without focus, until he brought it to my attention. Of course he did this wrong. Pushing me away, making me feel unwanted and unappreciated. Now I know the reason. If it's more than obvious that two people can not work together for each others productivity should they end the relationship now, or should they wait, try to mend the pieces and try to make it work with the knew accusations they have formulated. It's been 3 months, but I'm willing to try for 3 more, 6 more, who knows, maybe even a year or more. I thought I loved him. Until he told me he didn't love me. That he has some feelings for me, but it's hard because he needs to focus. I'm sitting outside his apartment contemplating on going inside, or waiting for my best friend to come and get me. Something is keeping me from entering the apartment again. Is it the tears I hold back, or the pride I hold inside? Is this love, or is this..Dependency.
No comments:
Post a Comment